Wow! I can't believe its been nearly a year since my last blog post. Things change so rapidly. I have missed my blog. I have missed my blog peeps. I have been through an amazing journey of different sorts since my last blog. When I last posted, I was a single woman, able to workout 5-6 days a week and do whatever I wanted. I was lonely sometimes, but I had so many jazzercise classes, races, etc. to do that it kept me plenty busy. Then one day my daughter whom I hadn't had contact with in almost 2 years decides to contact me. She was having big problems with her boyfriend/baby daddy and needed to move out asap. I helped her and my adorable loving grandson Zander get out of that awful situation but little did I know then that this would be the beginning of many more issues to come. Also around this same time I began dating my current boyfriend and LOVE-Jack! I was having fun going to sporting events, meeting friends at the casino, and just hanging out together. We like to watch movies at home and just be with one another. Here is a pic of me and the men of my life:
So to make a long story short, I have ended up with temporary custody of my now 21 month old grandson Zander who is my life. I had to become a mother again at 40 and it changed my life. I am happy and LOVE LOVE LOVE this baby! Also I had to learn what it is to be in a normal, happy and loving relationship. This has also changed my life. I am happy and LOVE LOVE LOVE this man! But with positive change has come some negative change as well. My weight loss journey was put on hold. I began going out and eating and enjoying life. I wasn't prepared for a baby and quickly learned how difficult it is to just leave your house much less work my graveyard shift at the casino, stay up to take care of the baby and go workout. Needless to say convenience took over. Convenient fast food and finishing food the baby would leave; convenient stay at home as opposed to go anywhere; and 3-4 hours of sleep a day to perform at my job. Bad food choices, inactivity and no sleep. My life made a drastic 180 degree turn.
I have been feeling so guilty over my weight gain. I complained a lot about how my weight loss wasnt progressing in this blog and now I would give anything to be the girl in this picture again. This was taken in June 2012 at the Hospital Hill Run.
Life is definitely full of ups and downs. I have had to look in the mirror and see my fuller face, I feel the tightness of my clothes. I have cried and felt sorry for myself. I went to see Bon Jovi a couple of weeks ago with Jack and our friends and took pictures and cried at the sight of myself in those pictures. I went to the doctor and had to face the reality of the scale and couldn't do anything but cry through my entire appointment. I know failure, I know grief and to see my hard work and endless time spent working out and counting Points, etc. slipping away has been a tough cross to bear, but I would not trade this past year and the happiness I have gained along with the pesky pounds for anything on this planet. So I have decided that my greatest triumph is yet to come. I did not fully appreciate my body at the neverending plateau I was experiencing when I last posted a blog. So now as I go through this setback and see how difficult this struggle is for other mothers who work full time and have little time for themselves will help me to inspire more people than I would have before.
I have also experienced a death in my workplace family. My boss and friend Joe Puma passed away the day before Easter. I took this extremely hard. He reminded me so much of my cousins in Cleveland, Ohio. Only my grandfather wore a suit as well as Joe. Joe was a mentor and so fun to be around. He was particularly supportive of my weight loss efforts. But I dealt with death the way I usually deal with difficult emotions and that was to eat. My gain has been pushed up as far as I am going to allow and I vow to learn how to cope with emotional issues in different ways other than running to the nearest box of Lofthouse cookies.
My work schedule has now changed and I get out of work earlier so I can take advantage of my workplace gym Club Fitness when I finish my shift. Also, my grandson has to have a weekly unsupervised overnight visit with his mother on Wednesday nights and my date nights are now Thursday nights so WORKOUT WEDNESDAY at the community center in the pool and on the track are back. I am hoping to get back to Jazzercise also. I miss it terribly but with the baby my financial situation has also changed. But I am going to find a way to get it back.
I belong to a support group of local women on Facebook who are posting their workouts, recipes, and helpful motivations. We posted pics with our goals written on them to be accountable. This was a few months ago but I am finally now in a good place with a good schedule, and time for myself to get myself back on track. Here is my pic with my plan.
It has taken my quite long enough but now I can blog and keep motivated. I have seen a few of my cousins start to get motivated to also be healthier, happier and take their health into their own hands and this is so amazing and I want to be there with them. I have been on this journey for almost 4 years, but I have come to realize that the journey is not with a destination of a certain weight to be at but that this journey is one I will be on forever. I have shed my tears, I have felt my guilt and shame and now I am moving on. Like I said earlier, I feel like my greatest triumph has yet to come. Its game on!
I have learned a lot so I will continue to keep posting. Motivation and inspiration comes from all around.
Do whatever works for you. Do not give up. Do not be defeated. I wont be that 325lb girl again. Setbacks and sometimes life and weight gain happen. Its how you dust yourself off and get up off the poor me pity pot and deal with it that separates the achievers from the dreamers. I wont be the girl who dreams of a healthy sexy body because I will achieve it. I want to be the best me for me and so I can be at my best to take care of Zander and to be the most awesome girlfriend that Jack deserves AND BE THE HEALTHIEST SEXIEST POSSIBLE FOR ME ME ME!!!!
I am going to be in the 4 mile Trolley Run tomorrow and my goal is to just finish it. It will be a good way to get outside and begin walking again. The weather will improve and my hope is to walk with friends in the park and take the baby in the stroller to do this and just be more active as much as possible on top of my workouts. I worked out 4 days last week and today will be day 2 out of this week. I feel like my old self a little more with each passing workout.
CHEERS TO NEW BEGINNINGS!!!
Until we blog again and I am committed to this- it may be a couple of weeks but it wont be nearly a year again. You can also follow my health and fitness motivation pin board on Pinterest. Pinterest
Here are some more inspirational/motivational quote pics to keep the focus, the drive and the faith going.
ITS SO AWESOME TO BE BACK BLOGGING AND IN THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND!! CIAO FOR NOW!!
