When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. - Marilyn Monroe

I truly believe an obstacle to weight loss is emotional issues. The weight is representative of emotional baggage and sometimes is a protector around you so you wont let the pain get to you.

 There are times when I feel like the most confident girl in the world- I can look into that mirror and say "Hey- you look amazing today!!".  Then there are other times that I feel the exact opposite.  Down, frumpy, you know, all those old messages of self-loathing, low self worth and esteem come creeping back in. 

As many of you know I am a single girl.  Have been my whole life.  I have made some very poor choices in relationships and I believe that is directly related to my very low self esteem which was driven by my weight.  When I was in high school, it was the worst as it is with many of us. I felt fat, unattractive and I had people who wanted to tell me this all the time too so I believed it.  The first guy who came along was 7 years my senior when I was only 15 and of course I jumped right into a full blown mess because I thought that no one would ever want me and I was lucky that this opportunity arises.  Its sad when I think about it now.  This relationship was physically abusive to the point of if I didnt get away I might die.  It was also mentally and verbally abusive.  He used to call me a name every single day that for the life of me I can't remember.  I feel like I must have blocked it out of my memory.  Once that was finally over for good, I did not get involved in another relationship until I was 23-24 years old.  I was in that one for 5 years with a man 30+ years my senior.  Emotionally unavailable, alcoholic who was abusive mentally and verbally.  But again I think deep down I thought well I am fat and unattractive who else would want me.  And then I try to maintain these toxic relationships with stubborn refusal to give up on them and hope that they change.  UGH!  I had small encounters after that but nothing substantial.  I had a small relationship with another alcoholic after that but he was closer to my age but it ended up being just as bad as the first two.  After that I decided that I was not meant to be involved in a relationship.  I wasnt good enough, attractive enough and privileged enough.  So, I went about the business of existing rather than living.  I had a daughter to keep me plenty busy with all her activities so that is where my life went. 

Since that time of my life, any relationship or encounter has been with someone who is unavailable to me emotionally, and I feel like I know now the reason I do this is because the rejection is upfront- there is nothing to wonder about because you know the end result before it happens.  The reason I am sharing this with you is that emotional baggage has to be resolved in order for weight loss to be permanent. 

So, sometimes I think like many do- well if I were thinner, prettier, etc.  I would be in a loving relationship.  But I have come to realize on this journey that this is not the case.  I still say to myself sometimes- I thought someone would have been interested in me by now but I know that it has so much more to do with how I view myself and the worth I feel about myself.  I have to feel like I deserve to have a loving relationship. My appearance and weight have nothing to do with it, and that being healthy and fit are for ME not for someone else.  That I am good enough.  And as I continue this journey everyday I have to tell myself that I am.  I am getting there.  It is a slow process some days and I have current issues I am working out BUT I am light years ahead of that 15 year old girl who didnt know any better.

I read an article on Yahoo!  That really made me think this week and I will post it here for you.  11-things-every-girl-should-hold-out-for.  I will list the 11 things but read the article-its really true!

1. A guy who can make you laugh.

2. A guy who will laugh at your jokes and "get" you.

3. A guy who will attend your lame "things."
4. A guy who will do nothing with you.

5. A guy who will give you a thoughtful gift or card.
6. A guy who will say he loves you.
7. A guy you respect.
8. A guy you have good chemistry with.
9. A guy who agrees with you about travel.

10. A guy with similar family goals.
11. "Wait for someone who sees you the way you want to be seen.

 

I am by no means all the way there.  Like Dr. Phil says there have been things in my life that have changed who I am BUT everyday and with every pound and every small victory my self worth becomes more evident.  The only sad thing is that it took me until I am almost 40 years old to even begin to understand it.   I am worth these 11 things for sure!!! :)

 

Ok now on to the Biggest Loser- I cried more than I have in a LONG time last night!  It was so great to see all of the contestants back and running in a full MARATHON!!  I blog a lot about my experiences out on a 5k that is equal to 3.2 miles but a marathon seems so far away in my future; I mean that is 26.2 miles!!!  But it is a bucket list item I wish to do in my lifetime.  Seeing the progress of the contestants weight loss over the course of this season and then watching the finalists watch their self made video of themselves when they first began their journey at their beginning weight telling their future thinner and healthier selves why they dont ever want to go back to what they see on the screen is so heartfelt and you cant help but relate to that on every level if you have been there and if you are on the journey- I felt every moment of the show last night and I am ready for the finale next week!!  I was cheering for my fave Jennifer Rumple and also for Courtney Rainville.  They both have made such strides and dramatic changes and their inspiration helps me along the way almost everyday.

 

I was also inspired this week by Ali Vincent's show where she competed in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon and I am posting a link to that page here for you.  A great show and boy if someday I could do something like that I think my life would be complete!!  Check it out!!  Malibu Triathlon

 

Positive message of all types are so beneficial when you are working on your self- be it your weight, your mental well being or everything overall.  Whatever your personal views on religion are this is only my opinion- Joel Osteen has a positive message and his show this week talked about being Passionate About Life.  Gather inspiration and motivation from wherever you can to keep going and keep your mind focused on your goals and what is truly important in life.  Staying Passionate About Life

 

So this week has been filled with Christmas Cards, cooking, scrapbooking, Facebooking, helping my mom and of course JAZZERCISE.  I am slowly but surely making my way to that t-shirt and my 150 classes for the year.  I was reenergizing my knowledge of Italian by writing cousins in Italy Christmas cards and let me tell you its been too long but it all started to come back to me. 

 

Well all, enjoy the Christmas season, I am truly blessed to be able to share my thoughts and my journey with you.  Until next week.  Take Care and remember motivation and inspiration come from within and from outside too!!

Just a little saying to share

My cousin Nicole posted this on Facebook- just wanted to share.  It says how I feel about myself.

When you’re a plus size woman, people like to say "yeah, she's cute in the face", as if being full figured is such a disgrace. Honey, I’m cute in the face, and I’m thick in the waist. I look good whether I’m in cotton, leather, or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart! And there's more to me than my weight, I also have a heart. Yes my clothes may be a bigger size, that just means you have access to a bigger prize. We all are not self-conscious about our weight, and we never have a problem getting a date. So don’t think your small frame gives you more pull, I’m a hot, sexy, curvy woman with a figure that's full. ♥

I'm on the Edge, the Edge, the Edge, the Edge, the Edge, the Edge, the Edge, I'm on the Edge of Glory

Yes that is how I feel today- right upon the Edge of Glory.  I am the smallest size I have been since I was about 19-20 years old.  I went last night and bought my very first pair of size 16 Lee Jeans- yes that is right folks, me GINA LIPARI who used to wear a size 28 jeans (if I was lucky) now wears a 16.  They are lovely!  I also went and bought a new bra and it is a size 36.  I will not give the cup size since I dont feel like that matters. What matters is the size around.  Yesterday I went to 1 1/2 hours of Jazzercise after carrying heavy items to my Mom up her stairs and raking leaves in her yard SO I know I got some serious calorie burn!!!  Today I went to the mall to walk around and wish/window shop while I was in that part of town running errands for my mother.  I went into Sears and thought I would see if there were clothes in the Kardashian Kollection that I could actually wear just to say I can.  I tried on this very cute hoodie and all the Kardashian stuff was on sale so guess what- their largest top/blouse/hoodie size is 14-16 and they are calling this XL but it so fit and looks so cute.  I gave in and had to have it.  Check me out!

Me in the dressing room at Sears with my Kardashian hoodie and size 16 Lee Jeans!!!!!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday!  I went to the Parkville Turkey Trot and being tired from a race that previous Sunday AND much Jazzercise to get my coin purse I was hoping to at least meet my race time from the Gobbler Grind but GUESS WHAT?!?!?!  I beat it and now have run/walk/jogged a 5k in 46.03 minutes!!!!  My best time to date and I was thrilled.  I have posted my results here on the blog and also the link to the pics of me at the Gobbler Grind crossing the finish line!  Check them out!  My mother and I went to dinner at the Bristol Seafood Grill in the Power and Light District in Downtown Kansas City.  Here is the flyer from that just to share- the food was amazing!!  I really enjoyed it.  Plus here is a pic of me and my mom on Thanksgiving.

Me and My mom at the Bristol on Thanksgiving 2011

my sampling of all the dishes-I went moderately so I could taste everything. 

I did meet my goal of getting my coin purse from Jazzercise.  I am posting a pic of me on the night I received it.  Now I am only 22 classes from getting my 150 classes t-shirt and I can't wait.  I have to complete the classes by December 31st.  I have no doubt I will get this done :)

me and my shiny silver coin purse at Jazzercise.  I am wearing my GNR and Metallica concert T-shirt from 1992 and it fits!! Plus check out my new Ryka by Kelly Ripa tennis shoes *LOVE*

Life in my corner of the world is good.  I am dedicated to my health and weight loss and keep gathering inspiration from everywhere- and to all my friends and family who follow me on Facebook- thank you for all the support and wonderful comments to all my pics and Gina-isms.  Right now I do truly feel on "The Edge of Glory".   I have two "bucket list" items to share with you.  1. I want to be in good enough shape to become a part-time Jazzercise instructor someday.  2.  I want to be on TV on Motion and do a hike through Mount Rushmore or the Smoky Mountains and feel on top of the world.  Goals are wonderful things and keep your mind focused on what you want to do to live the best fullest life possible.

I really didnt have as much to blog this week as previous weeks- maybe because I am keeping current.  I did also get a TON of long overdue scrapbooking done so I am anxious to share some pics of those pages with you all very soon.

Take care of yourselves this week- do something fabulous for your body everyday and remember my new thought I keep in mind everyday is FINISH WHAT YOU START!  Love and Hugs to you all!! 

Gobble, Trot, Holiday Stress- NOT!!

Happy Thanksgiving week all!!  I am trying to keep up with the blog!  Have much to say this week so bear with me in the length of this one! ;) 


I am down to 4 classes left to get to my Jazzercise coin purse and the 20 classes!  Tonight will knock out two of them and tomorrow the last two.  I would have gone yesterday but my legs were burning after the Gobbler Grind 5k race on Sunday followed by a full work night.  So yesterday consisted of sleep, sleep and well, more sleep!  Gotta get it in eventually lol! 

So, many of you who follow me on Facebook know that I was in the Gobbler Grind 5k at Corporate Woods on Sunday morning.  It was a frosty 32 degrees in Overland Park, Kansas that morning.  This was the first time I have participated in this race.  It was a good one!  This race included a full and half marathon and the 5k.  I am sure i have a couple of years before I could even consider a half-marathon but I know I will get there.  I was a little self-conscious going into this race because of the inclusion of the marathon.  I knew there would be super runner athletes everywhere and then there is me- the fat girl BUT I never let that stop me.  I went anyway, I raced alone as I usually do and I got my best time in a race EVER!!  So, I am improving!  These races are inspirational to me and I do them for ME.  I never get into beating other people because that just isnt a reality for me-yet.  I have the goal in mind to beat my time from the previous race I participated in, to finish successfully without injury, to not finish last in my age division or last in the race overall and finally to enjoy the scenery going by as I listen to Motley Crue, Metallica and Ozzy Osbourne, etc. That is about it.  I do admit that if I see someone looming over my shoulder or approaching where i can actually hear their footsteps above my MP3 player I immediately speed up, jog, run or power into my walk. But my thoughts are never- hey, I am going to beat so and so or anything like that.  Well, at the finish of this race, there was a woman who was approximately 60 years old or older, and she was about 120 lbs. if that.  She was healthy and athletic but did show her age.  She approached me when I was picking up my medal and she said to me "I just couldn't let you beat me".  I looked at her puzzled, but I knew exactly what she meant.  She meant I just couldn't let a fat girl like you beat me.  My response was well, I dont come to these races to beat anyone but my own best time.  After that I proceeded to see the posting of the preliminary results.  And I was thrilled!  I have a link to the results here on the blog.  My best time in a race is 48.41 but honestly I can not remember what race i got that time in.  It isnt one I have posted either and its driving me nuts!!  But no matter, I completed this race in 47.41 and paced a 15.23 mile!  Pretty awesome accomplishment for someone who has to make up in speed for what I lack in stride (so I have short legs and this is a BIG disadvantage!) and then to top it all my size and THEN having been at work for the 10 hours prior to being at the race. 

I am so happy!!!  I took a picture of my little medal collection I have going now.  The flower charm came from the Mother's Day 5k and I considered this to be my 1st "medal".  It was the first race I had attended that I got something other than the t-shirt.  The blue medal is my participation medal from the Riverside Riverfest Levee Run 5k and now my third one is the green one with the turkey for the Gobbler Grind.  A lesson learned from this race is people will always try to say something to bring you down but you cannot allow it.  Plus it showed me though I have come so far I still have a long way to go.  And that my friends is motivation that will see me through my next race Thanksgiving morning at the Parkville Turkey Trot 5k that benefits the Parkville Animal Shelter and the Parkville Nature Sanctuary.



My medal collection!



Next I am going to give big kudos to awesome Former Fat Girl Ricki Lake!!!! I got to watch the Dancing with the Stars finale last night and she was great!!!  Her last performance of the night literally had me in tears as I watched from my living room!!  Ricki Lake has come a long way from her size and demeanor in the movie "Hairspray" to the elegant determination she showed us on this season of DWTS.  I loved her talk show back in the 90's and she continues to inspire me.  My bucket list includes dancing in a recital and being the star of a show and this touched me and helped me to remember my dream.  I LOVE TO DANCE!!!  And as Ricki and Kirstie Alley and even Nancy Grace from this season showed, dancing is the most fun and effective workout you can get.  That is why I love jazzercise!!!  I am the star of my own show for two hours dancing to JLo, Lady Gaga, Britney and Beyonce and getting my dance ON!!  Ask my classmates I am sure they will attest to my showing off.  I hope Ricki wins, but even if she doesn't, she is the winner in my heart and I thank her for her bravery in doing the show and showing the world the reality of what dreams and hard work can do.

Ricki back in the days of Hairspray

GO RICKI!!!!  DTWS Fierce Girl!!!!

Speaking of fierce women- did anyone see Jennifer Lopez on the American Music Awards???  She is just so amazing and let me tell you I try to embody that fantastic Latina persona every single time I dance to her songs in Jazzercise-  just call me GLo - LOL!! ;)  She gave curves and having the blessing of a "booty" a good name and for that I must hail thanks to the mighty Ms. Lopez!!!

Go JLO! Dance for your Papi!

More news!! I finally dropped some more weight and on November 16th I weighed the least I have even before August!!!  I am thoroughly excited.  I credit this sudden loss to many trips up and down my Mom's stairs carrying things for her and my Pure Muscle class that kicked my @$$ and going to Jazzercise more to get my hands on that shiny coin purse!!! 

I have also been on a healthy cooking kick along with scrapbooking.  I have some pics of some recipes I have come up with and been on my personal menu at home.  Last night I made mashed garlic cauliflower.  YUMMY!  I used Ali Vincent's recipe BUT I altered it slightly.  I did not use a potato in mine and I used Philadelphia Savory Garlic Cooking Creme.  100 calories a serving and < 1g carbohydrates!!  Here is a link to the recipe.  Ali Vincent Mashed Cauliflower Recipe and a pic of my version!

Gina's mashed garlic cauliflower "potatoes"

I also picked up a butternut squash at the store and decided to try to cook this squash in a twice baked potato or stuffed pepper type of manner. I sliced a butternut squash in half, took out the seeds and cooked it with a little olive oil.  When the insides were soft, I scooped them out into a bowl and added Ezekiel bread, celery, carrots, parsley, low sodium organic chicken stock, low sodium organic butternut squash soup, pepper, garlic and made a "stuffing".  Put the stuffing in the shell of the squash and baked it and it was YUM!!  Here is a pic of my little masterpiece. 

Stuffed Butternut Squash- my new fall favorite!

Finally, I have also been in a snacky mood so I have tried two new dips that I have been eating with baby carrots for snacks.  I used Athenos brand plain Greek yogurt but you could use a reduced fat sour cream.  I used Simply Organic brand Creamy Dill Dip mix and Simply Organic French Onion Dip mix.  I added to them by adding in minced garlic, pepper, parsley (my new favorite herb), minced onion and let me tell you these dips were DELICIOUS!!  I am going to get more yogurt today.  I cant get enough of it and it is such an awesome protein source and low in fat.  I am a true fan.

My French Onion Dip!!

I will leave you with a few thoughts.  I am thankful for my health, for my life, for my family ALL of them- alive, deceased, close, extended and estranged.  I am thankful for the most awesome rockin' job on the planet, good friends and for the many opportunities I have been given.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!  I will be wearing tight jeans to dinner with my mother at the Bristol Downtown Kansas City for the turkey day event before going to work to keep my eating in check. 

Courtney Rainville from Biggest Loser Season 12 has some good motivational quotes on her Facebook page that I will share here with you before signing off. 

1.  Having a rough morning? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't Give Up!  LOVE THIS ONE!
2."You Can Feel SORE Tomorrow Or You Can Feel SORRY Tomorrow. You Choose." What are you going to do today to make a difference? Choose being sore! WOW MOMENT ON THIS ONE!

 See this picture shared on Facebook by Cara Castronuova- former trainer on Biggest Loser season 11 and champion boxer I love it and will carry the image with me all this week when confronted by many temptations.  Have a wonderful holiday- until we blog together again!  *cheers!!*

Amen to that!

"Nothin' Lasts Forever Even Cold November Rain..."

Hello Everyone!  Here in Kansas City we are enjoying some dreary and wet fall weather.  But it did not stop me from walking to the post office this morning or driving out to Independence to share my thoughts and happenings of the past week to blog here with you. :)  If you are reading my blog for the first time ever, the story of how I began on my path to becoming a "Future Former Fat Girl" begins on my first blog post in April of this year so check it out!

I am still following Live Big with Ali Vincent from the Live Well Network.  I wanted to post a link to a segment that features a friend of Ali's named Marcie who is her newest addition to the list of people that Ali is helping to reach their weight loss goals.  Check this out!  I really do love the show.  Dancing Past a Plateau-From Live Big with Ali Vincent

A couple of weeks ago I reached my 100 class milestone in Jazzercise for the year!  Plus November is my anniversary month so a year ago this month I took my fitness goals to a new level and joined Jazzercise.  My life has been so different since then and I love all the instructors and ladies there!  November 1st started a new attendance incentive program that if you complete 20 classes between 11/1 and 12/24 you get this stunning little silver Jazzercise coin purse.  The last incentive program they did through the summer I did get through and the prize was a Jazzercise Leopard tote bag that I use for my swimming gear.   Right now my very favorite routine we are doing in class is the Jennifer Lopez "I'm Into You".  I get to shake my Latina money-maker in that one and show off- lol!  ITS SO MUCH FUN!  They have a yearly incentive program too.  If you make 150 classes for the year you get this cool Jazzercise t-shirt that says "Jazzercise Rocks You to the Core".  I am 41 classes away from that goal so I am definitely going for my classes tonight and tomorrow.   I am loving my Pure Muscle strength training class and tonight is my last one.  It has been a lot of fun.  I love all the incentives because it keeps you going toward your goals. 

Happy Anniversary to ME!

I have so loved this class!  And it is TOUGH!!

This week another family member passed away.  My cousin Rose's husband of 67 years Clarence died.  He was such a wonderful person.  When I first contacted them in 2004 to discuss family history and get to know them they were so open and wonderful and Clarence's memory and recollection of details truly breathed life into the people that I was researching, reading about, and had never seen the faces of.  They shared wonderful pictures and video, etc.  I am so happy to have had Clarence as a part of my life.  I will miss him dearly.  With that said, I am posting a picture of when I attended their granddaughter Heather's wedding back in 2008 and a pic of me now in 2011 going to my cousin Kristin's wedding.  I have always tried to be at all my cousin's family events and even when I weighed over 300 lbs that wasn't any different. 

My cousin Heather's wedding 9/27/2008.  Clarence, Rose, my mother Valerie, my cousins John, Patti and me.

Me before Kristin's wedding 10/29/11- 100 lbs lighter and still going! Check out my gold Fergie shoes! 

My Mother Valerie, me, my cousin Kristin and her mom Shirley

Well I am going to wrap this up so I can make it to my 30 minute Jazzercise Express class followed by my Pure Muscle class.  Gotta get that coin purse- it will be a cute and hot addition to my other sexy accessories LOL!  Of course tonight is Biggest Loser Season 12 and I am anxious to see the drama in store and the accomplishments of the contestants.  Its a weekly inspirational must for me every Tuesday night!

Take care of yourself everyone and my mantra for this week is "Keep Your Eye on the Prize".  Until next week- peace out! *muah*

The Graveyard, The Wedding and Halloween

Hello Everyone!  I hope everyone had a very fun and safe Halloween.  I also hope that there wasn't too much damage done in the way of candy and goodies lol! 

This week has been another challenging week but so much fun and part of the journey is to do as Ali says- and that is "Live Big'" and enjoy life.  I was on vacation last week and I was busy getting my workouts in, I took a trip to the National Archives, I read Ali Vincent's book "Believe It, Be It" and that was the best read I have had in a very long time.  She shares her personal struggle with weight loss and really touches on how the emotional issues are equally as important to deal with as the physical ones in the journey of weight loss.  I am still working on those issues myself.  I have not had time off work for 2 years so I was very ready to get some at-home projects done and enjoy some time off.

While at the library this past week I also checked out a Dancing with the Stars and a Biggest Loser Workout DVD's for at home to try out as well.  I am usually not a fan of the at home workout stuff but in order to get some extra calorie burn on I am willing to give it a shot.  I will let you know how it goes.

This Saturday morning after I got off of work I went home and changed clothes and made my way to the Historic Northeast neighborhood in Kansas City and participated in the Elmwood Cemetery Graveyard 5K Walk/Run.  This was my first time at this event and it was a lot of fun.  People showed up to run in costume, there were contests, etc.  I was upset that I did not beat my best time on this race because I went the wrong way somewhere along the race and ended up passing the mile markers not once but TWICE!!!  Ugh!  Let me tell you I was very frustrated but, the bright side was that (1)  I wasn't last in my age division and (2) I burned waaaay more calories running double the race distance.  I got a nice t-shirt for participation and the weather was brisk but clear and sunny so now for next year I know what to expect. 

Me after a 10 hour workday running in the cemetery for the Elmwood Cemetery 5k

So once i was finished with the run I had a couple of last minute errands to run while I was in the neighborhood before I returned home to get ready for my cousin Kristin Terranella's wedding.  This was the most gorgeous, elegant wedding I have ever attended.  She was married at Holy Rosary Catholic Church in the old Northend neighborhood where our ancestors lived soon after arriving in the United States.  Many of our Sicilian ancestors were married there including our great-grandparents Vito Lipari and Vita Savoca.  It was the perfect setting.  My cousin was absolutely beautiful and I am so honored to have been there to share in her very special day.  I haven't had an opportunity to get my pictures downloaded off of my camera as of yet but here is one I got from her that shows the family of the bride and groom together.  Next week I will post a picture of me in my very hot dress I wore to the reception. 



Left to Right- Mandy Wilcox (sister of Bride), Kimberly Terranella (sister of bride and maid of honor), Shirley Terranella (mother of bride), Victor Terranella (father of bride), Kristin Terranella (bride), Carl Gumina (groom), Rosa Gumina (mother of groom), Sal Gumina (father of groom), Tony Gumina (brother of groom and best man), Jamie Gumina (wife of Tony), and Adriana Gumina (flower girl and daughter of Tony and Jamie)

The reception was held at Argosy Casino in the main ballroom.  It was stunning.  I had bought a beautiful gold dress with a jacket and i bought these hot shoes to go with it.  They are Fergalicious brand by Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas.  Check them out!

Anyhow, the reception was a lot of fun and there was a DJ and they had Frank Vigliaturo come and sing.  he is a local Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin crooner and he is awesome.  The cake was beautiful and there were Italian Cookies as far as the eye could see.  Again, I cant wait to post pictures.  Eating challenges were definitely a part of my week with all the events taking place.  It happens so now this week will definitely be all about getting my calorie burn on.

Halloween night I went over to my friend Terisa's son and daughter in law's home to their annual get-together.  It was a lot of fun.  Kristy (the daughter in law) made chili and there were cookies that looked like witches fingers, a cake, punch, candy and the list goes on and on.... The chili was excellent.  Here is a pic of those cookies and me having fun with Terisa's grandkids. 

witches finger sugar cookies- so cute!

me and Terisa's grandkids- p.s. my hair is now dark again lol!!

Tonight I am on my way to Jazzercise the 30 minute Express class followed by the Pure Muscle class then home to eat dinner and watch Biggest Loser.  I wonder what drama they have in store for us this week! I continue to follow Jennifer Rumple, Courtney Rainville of Season 12 and Courtney Crozier of Season 11 on Facebook.  They always have some little inspirational motivation to post that gives me a little extra umph for the day.  I am also continuing to follow Ali Vincent's new show Live Big with Ali Vincent and one of her three things at the end of this week's show is my new mantra for the week.  She said- Finish what you start.  And that is where I am.  I have done a lot in the 100 lbs I have lost to date but I am not finished.  Even though I feel good and look better than i have in my life right now i cannot settle because I am not finished.  i am not at my personal best so its time to Finish What I Have Started.

I have a new goal- I am ready to lose 10-12 more pounds before December 21st.  We are getting issued new uniforms at work and I want that uniform to be too big BEFORE I ever have a chance to wear it.  And by my birthday in May 2012 when I turn 40 years old I will be at my goal weight.  I have another cousin getting married in March 2012 and another in May 2012 so I will be working hard to get to my personal best before those milestones arrive. 

Have a fantastic week everyone!  I want to go enjoy the awesome weather and get going so I dont miss out on working out.  Until next time!! 

Roadside Revelations on the Run

It has been entirely too long since I last blogged.  Getting to a computer and having time to type out my thoughts here has been tough but I am back and ready to update.  Summer was busy and fun.  I spent lots of time in my pool and working out.  The Missouri River flooded so badly this year that our parks were under water until just a few short weeks ago.  I am still anxiously awaiting the re-opening of my park so I can walk and enjoy nature there.  It has been hard to find alternatives in the meantime.  Until it became too hot to be outside walking, I would drive out to Kansas and meet my friend Terisa and we would walk at the track at Turner High School but the driving back and forth also got to be tiresome in the 100 degree heat.  So many days I would workout in the pool. 

Some very significant life changing events also happened this summer.  In early August, my life was shaken when my cat Oscar died.  He had been so tough and such a loving family member.  I miss him all the time and so do my other cats Smoky and Feisty.  The very day I was to pick Oscar up from the funeral home and bring him home my cousin Joanne Rodriguez was in the ICU unit and died suddenly the very next day.  I don't think I have ever been so shocked or grief-stricken in all my life.  My cousin Joanne and I were close and her presence in my life is missed everyday.  Death would be a recurrent theme in my late summer and early fall of this year.  In September, the grandmother of my dear cousins Gwen, Taryn and Colleen passed away and a day later my cousin Carl Savoca would also pass away.  Because their deaths were in the same week, so were their services and the family functions associated with them.  It is sad because being part of an ethnically rich family on both sides, sometimes funerals are the only time you see cousins.  Also it means lots of time spent eating and visiting.  On a happy note,  my cousin Nicole Rodriguez got married.  Her wedding was amazing and as with any family function, food, drink etc.  were all part of the package.  With regard to my weight loss journey it created bumps along the way that have been tough to overcome.  Life and so it seems death happen and moving forward from grief is definitely one of the toughest plateau/setbacks I have encountered on the journey thus far.  But now I am back and ready to go.

Me and my cousin Joanne Rodriguez

my sweet kitty Oscar

me and my cousin Carl Savoca

My cousin's grandmother Marie Puccio Sirna

Me and my cousin Nicole Rodriguez and our cousin Mario (Suge)

In August I did participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure with my friend Terisa and others from work.  I felt so different this year from last when I had participated in the race for the first time.  It was exciting to be with someone who had not been in the race before and seeing my pic from this year compared to last year made me feel pretty good.  See for yourself. 



Me with the Pink N Perky team on last year's Race



and me this year :)

 I also participated in the Riverside Riverfest 2011 5k Levee Run in September.  That one benefits the Northland Animal Welfare Society (NAWS).  Here is a pic of me from that one.  I ran through most of that one and I completed the 5k after a 10 hour workday in the early am on a Saturday in 48.10.  Pretty good.  I am getting better.  It was during this run/walk  that I came to realize a few things.  The run took us past the casino and it goes without saying how much I love that place and the people there and how it represents some of the biggest achievements of my life.  Then on the levee you run under the Fairfax Bridge that crosses over into Kansas City, Kansas.  While under the bridge I could hear the sound of the cars passing overhead and it immediately brought tears to my eyes.  Many of you dont know that when I was 15 years old, I ran away from home with my boyfriend to the San Diego, California area.  While there we slept under a bridge of Interstate 5.  I heard that sound for many nights.  Until this run, I had not heard that sound.  It was a big reminder of where I have been and where I am and now as my body could jog and run and walk fast through this race, it was a reminder and a sign of where I am going.  I am moving forward with my life in every positive way I can and I know that the first time I felt like I had control over anything was when I decided I did not want to die and I was going to lose this weight and have a life.  An amazing morning run with friends from work and revelations from the roadside that had so much to show me.

Me at the Levee Run 5k for NAWS



I have been on a roller coaster to say the least for the summer and early fall.  I continue to workout but my weight loss has stalled yet again.  I am currently on vacation from work and have been participating in a strength and resistance training specialty class being offered from Jazzercise called Pure Muscle which is awesome.  I really love it.  Tomorrow I return to my Deep Water Aerobics class that just kicks my behind and I am in bed for the rest of the day after that.  Today, I will go walking, its a little cool but sunny and nice.  Its a forever thing and I know the rest of this weight will come off, my dedication has not waivered. 

I am finding inspiration in Jennifer Rumple and Courtney Rainville from the current season of the Biggest Loser.  Jennifer is my age, she started out in the 300's and has a stress fracture in her right knee which has prevented her from any weight bearing exercise on that leg but she has not faultered, she has not quit, the injury has not held her back.  She has been working out in the pool on the Ranch and is pulling big numbers.  If she can keep going through a setback injury of that magnatude, I can keep going too.  Courtney Rainville was recently voted off the show and her self esteem seemed to be the biggest obstacle for her in the competition but she went home and her after pic they showed of her is amazing.  Plus she gave a two week stay at the Malibu Ridge Fitness Ranch to her sister because she wants her to start on her own journey to health and happiness too.  They all so ROCK!!

Jennifer Rumple- Biggest Loser Contestant Season 12

 Courtney Rainville- Biggest Loser Contestant Season 12

I have also become a fan of two shows on the Live Well Network.  I am in love with Live Big with Ali Vincent.  For those of you who don't know, Ali was the first female winner of the Biggest Loser and she is out there helping others to "live big"!  It made me think when she asks, "what are you doing to Live Big, I want to know!"  Then it brought me to the second show I have been watching called Motion, an outdoor hiking/trekking show that takes place in the National Parks of the United States.  They ask on their website for people to submit why they would want to be a guest hiker on the show.  Well, I have decided that to Live Big, I can hike in the mountains and see beautiful scenery and make physical and mental accomplishments.  I am going to submit myself to be a guest hiker on that show!  Wish me luck! 

Ali Vincent Before and After

All the feedback I get from friends and co-workers keeps me going, and frankly I am very competitive so when I know others are getting on the bandwagon to live healthy happy lives through weight loss it gets me going even harder.  I guess my message here for my first blog in FOREVER is remember that there are always stumbling blocks and road hazards but if you keep your mind locked in on the prize and pick yourself up each time you fall and keep going you will not fail.  I hope that it wont be so long until I blog again. 

I am going to be participating in the Bill Cross 5k this Sunday, October 23, at Zona Rosa and I will be in the Elmwood Cemetery Graveyard 5k Run on the following Saturday and attending my lovely cousin Kristin's wedding also next Saturday!  I can't wait!!   So I should have lots to blog about.  Take care all!

New Inspiration and St. Louis

Hello everyone!  Its been a busy couple of weeks since I last blogged.  I went on a fabulous weekend trip to St. Louis, Missouri to see the Kansas City Royals play against the St. Louis Cardinals.  I also went to my first personal training session with my Boxing instructor, Franchesca Alcanter, got rear-ended while at a stop light after Jazzercise class and I have been fighting allergies and being sick. 

I went to St. Louis with a friend from work and we got to see the sights of St. Louis, go to the baseball game and see our beloved Royals WIN and do the Budweiser Beermaster Brewery Tour.  I drove out there in my awesome roadster Malibu :).  We stayed at the Hilton at the Ballpark less than one block from Busch Stadium.  Upon arrival there was live music playing, bratwurst cooking in carts along the street and massive people celebrating pre-game in the hotel.  We got ready for the game and had GREAT seats on the visitors side 12 rows from the dugout! The game was a good one, lots of back and forth.  The Royals fought hard then in the end Joakim Soria struck out the famous St. Louis Cardinal, Albert Pujols.  The fans around us were very nice and told us that a St. Louis tradition after going to a baseball game was to go to Ted Drewes Frozen Custard stand.  We decided to do that, I indulged, I mean hey, it was vacation!  I had a Strawberry Shortcake concrete that was to die for.  We met a St.Louis Detective doing security duty there named Strohmeyer who was comical and full of quirky jokes.  He was awesome.  We went back to our hotel, went to the hotel bar and had a couple of drinks to celebrate the big win then on to bed.  I hadn't slept in about 36 hours so I was ready.  We had left for St. Louis right after I had gotten off of work that morning and I had worked 10 hours already....

The Amazing Busch Stadium in Downtown St. Louis, Missouri



Me and Alicia enjoying the game

Saturday we went to hit the town.  We went to the Gateway Arch first and Alicia decided she wasn't up for going into the Arch but amazingly I was.  50-almost 100lbs ago I would never have considered such a thing but here I was getting ready to face my claustrophobia and get into this tiny pod and ride up 630 feet into the air to over look the city of St. Louis.  Once at the top my life literally changed.  I felt like if Eero Saarinen who designed the Arch could think big enough to see and create such a world wide recognized landmark, could overcome the scrutiny of its futuristic look and design back in the 1960's and ultimately for the arch to be the draw for millions of people that it has become I can do ANYTHING I desire in my life.  That includes this pesky 15 lbs that separates me from the beloved 199, or in my career to be the best dealer I can be, or just living an amazing, fun, rich life full of new experiences.  On the way to St. Louis we listened to the audio book by Jillian Michaels titled "Unlimited".  I highly suggest reading this book.  It isn't another fitness book.  This is a motivational and inspiring self discovery book.  Listening to Jillian Michaels narrate her own book to convey her awesome message of self acceptance, self discovery and positive thinking is even better.  The best thing for this long trip in the car and it is amazing how it fit in with my moment at the top of the world.  

Me at our hotel room before our Saturday adventure.  The pic quality is yuck because it was with my phone but look I have a waist!!!  Love it!  :)

Me and Alicia at the foot of the Arch- Don't we look AMAZING?!?



Me at the top of the world inside the Gateway Arch

My souvenir pic of me before entering the Arch- I feel like in this pic I look the best I have in my entire life!

  From the Arch and the Landing and seeing how swollen and high the Mississippi River is we went to the Budweiser Brewery for a great tour.  We got to taste 3 hour old Budweiser fresh from the finishing tank.  It was the best beer I have ever had and frankly I am not a beer drinker.  The tour was filled with history, the process of making Budweiser, we got a souvenir glass, a hat and during the tour we got to wear safety goggles and a radio to hear our tour guide, Kyle.  We saw the amazing and beautiful Clydesdales.  For those of you who don't know, I am a complete horse fanatic!  We walked so much on Saturday that Alicia's calves were sore the next day.  I have to admit, the rest of the week after my trip I got horribly sick with a nasty summer cold and my muscles ached.  So I don't feel too bad about my vacation eating since I got a lot of activity in.


Me and my fresh brewed Budweiser in a freezing 34 degree room!!!

  After the tour we hurried over to the St. Louis Zoo to check it out.  I got to pet stingrays!!! Never touched them before in my life!  They had an awesome exhibit and it was like I was a little kid all over again.  Walked and walked some more.  Went to see the big cats, penguins, zebras, to name a few.  We got ambushed on the way out by a HUGE wedding party getting off of a motorcoach and I am wondering if this has the same karma as catching a bouquet??? LOL!  Yeah RIGHT! 

Me at the end of our fast Zoo trip

Crazy but beautiful wedding party!

The final leg of our trip saw us going to check out the Little Italy section of town known as The Hill.  We had dinner at Zia's Italian Restaurant and then went on to walk around a small portion of the neighborhood before heading south of town to our hotel for the night.  We were hot, tired and ready for showers and ultimately bed so we could make the 4 hour trip home the next day.  All in all it was a fun time!  I can't wait to do it again.  I even have thoughts of a trip to Chicago for a ball game.... Alicia???

I did forget to mention that a couple of weeks ago I participated in a company contest walk/run for our annual Challenge event.  It was an awful 93 degrees out that day and I am SUPER sensitive to the heat but I decided I would do the mile and be timed.  Since I took it easy due to the heat it wasn't my very best time but I placed in my age division which I can't even believe!! I did the mile in 15.05 minutes which my best time is 14.49 but with the extreme heat, I was happy with my performance and that I placed, even better.  Which brings me to more work related news.  I got the call from our corporate office on the article that they wanted to do about my weight loss journey and I saw the draft this morning and it is awesome!!!  I am so excited about it.  I will post it here for all to see when it comes out!  WOO HOO!

I started last week with my boxing trainer for personal training sessions once a week.  I need that to push me over the two month plateau I have been on.  I am thinking that some adjustments also need to be made in my diet.  I think I am taking in too much fruit if you can believe that.  So we will see if these adjustments get the scale to moving again.

I am going to leave this blog with a little saying i have on a positive thinking card. 

KEEP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

Every goal that has every been reached began with one step and the belief that it could be attained.  When the road becomes hard to travel and it feels as if you will never reach the end... look deep inside your heart and you will find strength you never knew you had.  Believe in yourself and remember that dreams really can come true!  BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE!  Have an awesome week and remember YOU GOT THIS!!!

It's Summer and Time To Celebrate and Live Life!

"Be Sexy.  Strut Sexy.  Live Sexy.  Think of yourself as a voluptuous glamour goddess and walk around letting others know your secret- that you are all that and more"- Stella Ellis

I don't remember the moment in time when I figured this out and began to live that quote from the book "Size Sexy" by Stella Ellis but it was exciting to hear someone say and write an entire book about how to do exactly that.  Long before I began down the weight loss path I had a terrible self-image and extremely poor self-esteem. My distorted body image probably began to be an issue around the time I was 13 years old.  I remember doing everything I could do to avoid a mirror and now I can't stay out of one!  Today I embrace the body I have and the changes it is going through because it is who I am; I exude my confidence and feelings of being sexy and happy in everything I do. I am proud of the hard work I am putting into my body.  Why shouldn't I be?  Even though the results are slow I am seeing results.  Should I continue hide myself behind big baggy clothes and be subdued because I am not the size of a "normal" woman or a media inspired idea of what a woman should look like?  NO WAY!  Not a minute longer.  I have wasted a very long time being miserable about how I look or how much I weigh.  Those days have come to an end.  Because of my time as a "Fat Girl" I am experiencing many things for the first time so I am learning that the saying "Life begins at 40" is true even though I am not quite 40 yet! :)

  Every night when I am getting ready for work, I go through an entire ritual from putting on my makeup to choosing which flower to wear in my hair and what accessories to go with my uniform, etc.  I make pouty lips in the mirror with different shades of lipstick until I find the one that looks right, I bat my eyes after putting on my eyeliner and if I am feeling really good about myself that night I might take a pic of myself in the mirror. Once I arrive at work there is a long walk from the back hallway to the work area and the whole way down the main walkway I strut in like its my own private catwalk.  It psyches me up for work and helps me put on the show.  Confidence is attractive.  Now I realize this sounds ridiculous to some and egomanical to others but really its a process of being the best me I can be.  Life is too short to live in a world that says because I am curvy and by some preposterous standard that says I am "overweight"  that I can't be seductive or sexy.  I celebrate my sexy self!  There is freedom in self-acceptance. Okay- enough sexy soapbox for one day! LOL

Tonight at Jazzercise there were 2 routines in the first hour class and 3 routines in the second hour class that I really get into because the music is dance music and fun. Having Latina blood and a dance background, the front row in my Jazzercise class gives me a forum to dance and show off. You could never convince me that the front row and Lady Gaga, JLo or Britney playing loudly is not center stage at Carnegie Hall.  I dance my heart out.  It makes my workout so much fun and I just love shaking it like I am in the club.  That is my time and I make the most of it.  My instructor in the second hour noticed that I was in the zone because she said "you do need to make a new Youtube video" :p   So my new project is to get some video of me done soon to post here.  My cousins just told me on Saturday that it is time for me to make a new Youtube video!  I did post a link to the video I did back in February of me at Jazzercise on the blog here so check it out if you like. 

Saturday I went to my cousin Katrina's High School Graduation party and had party time with my cousins.  It was a lot of fun and I am very happy for her because I know she will make a future for herself.  The food and the cake were wonderful as usual.  My cousin Baby Mike has a wonderful knack for cooking and everything he does is spicy HOT just like my Uncle Mike.  It was awesome to see my cousins again- summertime brings us together with lots of parties, picnics and get-togethers.

Me and my cousin Katrina the Graduate!

 

 

 

Me and my cousin J.J.- I have a special place in my heart for this little guy!

I stayed long enough for the fun at the party then I went on to work.  Sunday I got to experience something completely new and exciting to me.  My friend Terisa had Track Passes and Tickets for the STP 400 NASCAR race at the Kansas Speedway.  I have been somewhat of a closet NASCAR fan for some time now and I was excited to see this first hand up close and personal.  There were no worries that I wouldn't get my workout in after the first few minutes getting parked.  People from all over the country came to see the race.  We got to see all of the pre-race activities out on the track, we walked miles from the parking lot, to the track, around the entire fan walk and up a ton of stairs to our seats.  Once we left the race we walked what seemed like forever until the car was located LOL!  Drivers I like include Dale Jr., Tony Stewart and Casey Kahne just to name a few.  The National Guard presented the colors and the Star Spangled Banner started the race off then the roar of the engines and the speed of the cars all together was just amazing!  Best new and fun experience I have had in a long time.  

Me standing on the track at the Kansas Speedway being my hotter than the 95 degree weather self!!  Check out that pose!

Me with a display car on the Sprint Fan Walk

.  I had fun at the race but I only got 5 hours of sleep in before going into work that night. :(    I was pretty happy with myself today since I got in 2 hours at Jazzercise and a 3 mile walk with Terisa in.  I felt so much better after some sleep.  Tuesday plans are to Jazzercise this morning, swim this afternoon, boxing late afternoon and possibly a walk in the park again in the evening. I also have to make time to go by the cemeteries and pick up my flowers.   My mission and dedication to my new goal time are in full swing. 

Have a wonderful week everyone and have fun because it's summertime and life is too short not to celebrate every breath and every moment!

"Always say to yourself,  It's great to be me!  I am fierce and fabulous, big and beautiful, smart and sexy, feminine and fantastic, curvaceous and confident, sexy and sultry!"

- Stella Ellis