Journey - Dont Stop Believing

A fitting song for a "Journey" that I can't stop believing in :)

A Walk in the Park

Today started out with my Ballet Body class.  LOVE THAT CLASS!   I realized today how much more flexible I am and that I was able to do the routine with much more ease that previous classes so with that accomplishment I am very happy.

This afternoon, my friend Terisa and I went walking 3 miles on the Streamway Trail that goes through Merriam and Shawnee, Kansas.  There are some really scenic areas along that trail so here are some pics from that experience.  I love getting out and seeing new areas and walking different trails.  It keeps the exercise fresh and it warmed up just enough and stopped raining long enough to do something.

This afternoon after my three mile walking adventure I went to my boxing class with my trainers Franchesca and Paul.  It was awesome as usual and today I feel like I am able to accomplish more.  I jumped rope for WAY longer than I have ever done at one time so that in itself was an accomplishment.  I am all about celebrating all the small victories because combined they make a BIG difference.

I also went to the library today and picked up some new reading material (I love inspirational stories of other people's journey through difficult trials).  I came across Carnie Wilson's "Gut Feelings" and Pat Benetar's "Between a Heart and A Rock Place".  I am learning that the journey of weight loss is not only about the amount of weight you lose or how you look but its about fixing what is not programmed correctly in the mind and for me inspirational reading material and sharing in this blog go hand in hand with the physical regiment I am keeping up with right now.  I don't want the weight to come back.  So to keep it off forever it has to be an entire lifestyle and mindset change.

I have ended my evening with watching my weekly dose of big inspiration on The Biggest Loser.  Two contestants went home this week but what was awesome to see and brought tears to my eyes was the emotional struggle of self worth and the subsequent HUGE accomplishment of the 100 pound milestone finally being reached by contestant Irene.  On tonight's show she came to realize that she is worth all the work she is putting in physically and for the first time she confronted the emotional reasons that contribute to the weight issues.  This is all part of the journey in its entirety and I am so thankful to be able to identify with this show and the boost it brings me every single week.  Well two posts from me in one day is quite enough.  Have a wonderful night and thanks for taking the time to read this blog! :)

"It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly."
– Isaac Asimov

Weddings, Funerals and Firsts

Well I have to say first that I am really enjoying this blogging.  Perhaps it is therapeutic in some way but also I believe it is essential to be open and expressive if I am truly to be a "Future Former Fat Girl" forever.  On my Facebook page I had shared a lot of my journey before I came to blog.  I had some exciting firsts along the way like wearing a pair of boots AND being able to tuck the jeans inside of them or being able to buy "essentials" at Victoria's Secret for the first time in my life or getting to do one of the Jazzercise routines to Enrique Iglesias' I Like It in front of the class or making my first Youtube Video of me working out to Usher or being able to trade in my uniform blouses twice for smaller ones since starting my new job back in October and going into a large size pants (not X Large or XXL etc. but just plain ol' large :) )!  Remembering these milestones keeps me motivated to keep going even when the going gets extremely tough.

I have two cousins, one on each side of my family getting married this year.  One in September and one in October.  I am SO EXCITED because there is nothing better than getting together to celebrate with my cousins especially at weddings.  Both will be fabulous affairs.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I love family gatherings.  I have had cousins marry in Harley themed weddings, one in a lavish affair at the National Golf Club and I have even crashed a cousins wedding that i was neglected to be invited to once :) I also crashed another cousin's baby shower but that is another story!   By the time these weddings roll around I will be at my goal weight.  I have been looking forward with much anticipation to both events and the bridal showers etc.  Fun times!

A family friend whose daughter I remember from my childhood also recently passed away.  She was only 35 years old, very tragic.  I find that events like these make you realize the fragility of life and how quickly it can pass you by or be taken away.  It makes me only want to live every moment like its my last, to enjoy my life.  I have suffered many years of heartache and "protected" myself with a wall known as a fat suit.    It is finally coming off and I am no longer afraid of living.  Funerals unfortunately are also some of the only times I see some of my cousins and extended family.  Being from two very rich ethnic backgrounds (Italian and Mexican) these affairs are always beautiful, traditional and lavish and most of the time with Catholic ritual.  I am making a vow to be happy in life and with myself no matter what it takes.  No more will I accept emotional or physical abuse, drama and guilt.  I will no longer think that my weight is what keeps me from being happy.  I used to cry all the time when I was a teenager and young adult in my early 20's and pray that I would give anything to be pretty and "dumb" instead of fat and smart.  What was I thinking???  I realize and embrace my individuality, my personality and my life means something. I am now realizing that pretty is a state of mind not just what is coming back at you in a mirror.  I no longer dread the fact that I am smart but am thankful for the intelligence God gave to me.

Live life to its fullest today and don't put off anything for another minute!  Life is too short to live in the "fat suit".

Weird Happenings

Well, Friday night proved to be an interesting experience for me all around.  I guess I should begin by saying that when it comes to the nuances of "dating" I am completely oblivious!  If a guy doesn't march or parade by with a sign that says "Hey, I'm Kinda Into You"  I have absolutely NO IDEA that its happening.  I contribute my complete and total ignorance in this arena to being a very young mother at age 16 so I never "dated" in in the first place.  I had a very very low self image and no self esteem for the majority of my life so this also a reason why I don't have any idea about being "hit on".  Ok, with that being said, Thursday night before I returned to work I went to have my hair trimmed, styled and highlighted.  It came out lighter than anything I have ever had done and I LOVE IT but what is even funnier is that every single guy that I associate with at work noticed and had really awesome compliments about it.  Amazing how a little blonde can do so much!  If I knew that I would get that much attention I would have done this a very long time ago!!  Anyhow, Friday night I was working and I was having conversation with a patron and he asked me very casually what time I got off work. Now remember the key to this entire blog for today is that I AM OBLIVIOUS!  I answered the question truthfully and then the next question was "do you have a boyfriend?"  and there was the big sign parading by so I recognized what was happening.  It was true, someone actually was hitting on me.  As the conversation progressed, we talked about meeting after I got off work for breakfast.  I thought to myself that this seemed acceptable and that I should be open-minded and go.  So when I left this person to go to break and subsequently my next assignment I told him I would probably be back later.  I wasnt sure if this was going to come to fruition but at least I was going along.  I would encounter this person during my work night again much later in the evening (well early morning but still evening for me).  But this time the conversation was shall we say.. explicit on his part and then I knew what the agenda was.  But I insisted that we would only go out for breakfast and talk.  But this is not what said person was interested in or pursuing with me and I ended up declining that offer completely.  I guess the whole point of this story being shared is that I, Me, Gina the Future Former Fat Girl was telling someone NO.  This in itself is utterly amazing because 1.  I have never had an abundance of offers to turn down; 2. any opportunity no matter how ridiculous that did manage to pop up I would jump at simply because I didn't think there would be any other offers.  Now I am DECLINING an offer.  Who I am and who I am becoming is truly changing.  Watch out world my awareness and my new blonde hair are coming! This experience taught me that I can get attention but that I dont have to settle for just ANY attention.  I will post a pic later of the new me.  I am looking forward to a week full of butt kicking jazzercise, boxing and walking and whatever else I can fit in.  A whole new world is opening up for me and I cant wait to see what is going to happen next.  Have a very Happy Easter everyone!  I am definitely going to be careful not to overindulge in the bounty of Easter dinner tonight before work.  Have a wonderful day!

A Whole New Forum for a Whole New Life

Well I am so new to blogging but here it goes. As time goes on I will get better at just writing the happenings of my life and my feelings as I go through my journey. I guess I should start out by telling my story. In August of 2009, I became very ill while on vacation in Cleveland, Ohio visiting my beloved cousins. I went on an outing to the Feast of the Assumption, a large Italian festival held in the summer every year in the Little Italy district. It was hot and I weighed over 300 pounds. (and I say over 300 because a regular home scale doesn't go over 300 pounds so I am not sure exactly how much over I really was!) Anyhow, I remember walking with the procession through Little Italy and walking for about 3 miles or more for the course of the day while enjoying the festival. No easy feat for someone who lead a VERY sedentary life. After the festival my cousin and I headed back to the east side burbs of Cleveland and I noticed that my feet and ankles were swollen to the point of my skin being stretched tight which wasn't particularly something new to me but seeing them turn a horrid shade of purple was. I first thought I might have deep vein thrombosis from my flight, but since the flight from Kansas City to Cleveland is only 2 hours that was highly unlikely. I was scared that something was really wrong with me and even more upsetting to me was the fact that I was on vacation and away from home to deal with this. I went to the emergency room at a satellite facility of the Cleveland Clinic and the doctor i saw told me I was too young to be experiencing these types of health issues. I had a bad case of cellulitis and my blood pressure was ridiculous- (the top number was 200). I ended up being able to take a prescription diuretic and antibiotics and was sent on my way. I was so upset by the whole ordeal that I decided at that it was time to do something about my weight or else I was going to die. I will never forget the look on my cousin's face as he looked at me lying in the ER, it scared me straight so to speak. I went on to enjoy the remainder of my vacation and I am so glad I did. I didn't know it then, but it would be the last time I would see my oldest beloved cousin John. He passed away in January 2010. He cheered me on as I was in the beginning stages of my weight loss journey but sadly he didn't get to see me succeed or come as far as I have. The beginning of 2010 would throw me and my efforts quite a lot of curveballs. First the death of my dear cousin and a subsequent trip to Ohio for his funeral. I drove there this time and had never driven on a long distance trip ever in my life but did very well and I maintained my plan while on the trip. After returning from Ohio this time I had to move from my apartment in the inter-city unexpectedly and move to the suburb where my job is located. Best move I have ever made but all the same it was winter time, moving with only my mother to help me, and thankfully at the end my best friend and her son were able to help me finish it. I also had a very close friendship end with a co-worker and I just remember what a devastating time it was in my life. But somewhere I found the drive to keep going and if I hadn't already began to take weight off in early September 2009 I would not have been able to move myself physically to my current residence. That move took me 8 days to finish. It was the worst time of my recent life.

Anyhow back to 2009, upon return to Kansas City from my vacation, I joined Weight Watchers. I knew of another cousin here in town that had done that and she had great success with it and I wanted to give it a try. I began to feel better almost immediately. I followed the program, counted my POINTS, and eventually began walking. This was big because I sat 8+ hours a day at my job, I sat to drive the distance to and from my job and I lived in the inter-city where walking or anything outside could be life threatening. I started going to the park next to where I work that is in a safe area of town and then when I would get out of work late, I would walk in the parking lot where it was well lit and monitored by security. I would walk up and down stairs in the building where I work on my breaks when the weather was bad outside and I continued to do this 3-4 days a week sometimes more. When I lost my first 30 pounds I felt so good that I decided I was bored with walking and I needed a change up so I started going to the local community center pool and I got brave and went back to the only athletic thing I ever did as a kid and that was roller skating. My co-workers were appalled at first because they were concerned I would get injured roller skating. Thankfully I was very good at it as a kid and it stuck with me.

In February 2010 I participated in my very first 5k walk known as the Groundhog 5k. I signed up at work to participate and I went and had a lot of fun. I was dead last to cross the finish line but I did it and I was so happy with that! I was overcome with emotion as I would be many times over at each walk I have participated in since. I thought to myself at that moment, if someone had told me a year before that I would walk in a 5k race and be losing weight I would have thought they were crazy but there I was. I continue to sign up for every race my place of employment sponsors and now its about how fast I can finish as opposed to just finishing and its the most awesome feeling! I have had a good friend and one co-worker each participate in one of the last two races for the very first time and they would be doing one of these events for the very first time. It was so exciting for me to see them finish and I can only hope that the experience brought something to them that I had experienced only one short year prior.

Also in February 2010 I met a new friend who would teach me some valuable lessons that helped motivate me. One day were were texting over the phone and he sent me a picture of a model who I had never heard of or seen before. Her name is London Andrews. She does a lot of different modeling including nude modeling but what is different about her is that she is 5'5 and weighs 180 lbs and is very similar in body style to me and for the first time in my life I was able to identify with a realistic person who was absolutely beautiful and sexy and it made me realize- "Hey! I can look like that too" because her look IS so realistic. I wrote her a letter in September of 2010 and she posted it on her blog. I let her know what an inspiration she was to me and how just her image of self confidence and beauty helped me to realize that you don't have to be a "Pam Anderson type" to be considered beautiful or sexy. This was a large turning point in my journey of weight loss. Thank you London and of course to my friend without whom I would never have known who she was.

Over the next year I would hit two big plateaus that almost derailed my current success. When I hit 260 pounds I could not get past that point for over a month no matter what I did. But finally I moved past it and then I hit the next show stopping plateau at 240. In November of 2010 when I weighed in the 240's I decided to join Jazzercise. I wanted to at least try it because I had seen a group of Jazzercisers at two of the 5k walks I had recently participated in and they led a pre-walk warm up for both events. It was fun and it looked like fun. I am a dancer at heart, I have a strong dance background from the time I was a young girl until I was a pre-teen. A love I still have in my heart today. So, I bit the bullet and went to a class and now I can't stay away. I have had more results with Jazzercise and my continued walking and Weight Watchers all together. Currently they are doing an extra specialty class called Ballet Body that I absolutely LOVE it combines my love of dance and the strength training and conditioning of Jazzercise. In late February 2011 I took my physical activity to another level and added in boxing to my exercise schedule. I am an avid follower of The Biggest Loser. It is SO inspirational and motivating to see these people go through their struggle on national television and being to identify with their emotional and physical experience. This season the contestants have done a tremendous amount of boxing with the new trainers on the show. And the numbers on the scale reflect the impact that the boxing has. I hooked up with an old friend that I knew from my "band days" ( another long story for another night) and he is a personal trainer for a gym here in town. His girlfriend is a professional boxer and a personal trainer at the same gym. I sent him a message when I had seen a post he put out for a boxing fitness class that they would be teaching/leading and asked him if he thought this would be something I could do considering my size and still limited physical capability. He said the class was geared to all fitness levels. So I went and I will tell you the first class I was a nervous wreck because there were men in the class, many athletic fit types and then there was me but I went ahead and now I love it. It still taxes me to my limit of what I can do but I feel so awesome after that its worth it. So, now I currently weigh 216 pounds. I am dedicated to my health, my weight loss and my personal happiness. I have a fantastic new job I started in October 2010 that continues to be an adventure every night and it has provided me the opportunity to join the gym, join Jazzercise and participate in this boxing class. So through this blog, I hope to share my continuing journey of my weight loss, my emotional struggles with my family (another long story for another day) and my hopes and dreams of a whole new future to look ahead to because all roads I take from here really do lead there. I hope you will enjoy following me here as much as I will enjoy writing. Its late and I do have to get some work done!