Well I have to say first that I am really enjoying this blogging. Perhaps it is therapeutic in some way but also I believe it is essential to be open and expressive if I am truly to be a "Future Former Fat Girl" forever. On my Facebook page I had shared a lot of my journey before I came to blog. I had some exciting firsts along the way like wearing a pair of boots AND being able to tuck the jeans inside of them or being able to buy "essentials" at Victoria's Secret for the first time in my life or getting to do one of the Jazzercise routines to Enrique Iglesias' I Like It in front of the class or making my first Youtube Video of me working out to Usher or being able to trade in my uniform blouses twice for smaller ones since starting my new job back in October and going into a large size pants (not X Large or XXL etc. but just plain ol' large :) )! Remembering these milestones keeps me motivated to keep going even when the going gets extremely tough.
I have two cousins, one on each side of my family getting married this year. One in September and one in October. I am SO EXCITED because there is nothing better than getting together to celebrate with my cousins especially at weddings. Both will be fabulous affairs. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love family gatherings. I have had cousins marry in Harley themed weddings, one in a lavish affair at the National Golf Club and I have even crashed a cousins wedding that i was neglected to be invited to once :) I also crashed another cousin's baby shower but that is another story! By the time these weddings roll around I will be at my goal weight. I have been looking forward with much anticipation to both events and the bridal showers etc. Fun times!
A family friend whose daughter I remember from my childhood also recently passed away. She was only 35 years old, very tragic. I find that events like these make you realize the fragility of life and how quickly it can pass you by or be taken away. It makes me only want to live every moment like its my last, to enjoy my life. I have suffered many years of heartache and "protected" myself with a wall known as a fat suit. It is finally coming off and I am no longer afraid of living. Funerals unfortunately are also some of the only times I see some of my cousins and extended family. Being from two very rich ethnic backgrounds (Italian and Mexican) these affairs are always beautiful, traditional and lavish and most of the time with Catholic ritual. I am making a vow to be happy in life and with myself no matter what it takes. No more will I accept emotional or physical abuse, drama and guilt. I will no longer think that my weight is what keeps me from being happy. I used to cry all the time when I was a teenager and young adult in my early 20's and pray that I would give anything to be pretty and "dumb" instead of fat and smart. What was I thinking??? I realize and embrace my individuality, my personality and my life means something. I am now realizing that pretty is a state of mind not just what is coming back at you in a mirror. I no longer dread the fact that I am smart but am thankful for the intelligence God gave to me.
Live life to its fullest today and don't put off anything for another minute! Life is too short to live in the "fat suit".
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